Musings...

Christmas is come and gone. We had a wonderful, and I mean wonderful time at the beach. No pressure, no having to be somewhere just good fellowship, food and fun. We were thankful that we were together and that Jesus was the reason to celebrate. My boy asked me what is Merry Christmas, he had been saying it all day :). I told him it was about today what we did and how we were together to celebrate the day we have chosen to celebrate Jesus' birth. He doesn't really understand birthday's and vacations (he keeps asking when he goes back to school). I think I like it that way. It made me start thinking about Christmas even more. I think they decided to put Jesus' birthday during the time of worst weather so we could have the biggest celebration of the year and not be so glum. Plus we have to have something between Thanksgiving and Easter (and I guess there is also Valentines, but to me that's just a consumer holiday - love should be expressed year round, each day should be a valentine's day for the one you love). It makes me sad that so much focus is on what we do and buy and give for the holidays. Christmas has never been my favorite holiday. Too many expectations to get the right thing for someone, not forget to give a gift and so on. I LOVE TO GIVE GIFTS AND GET THEM TOO, but those that are well thought out and reflect something important to the giver and the receiver, not just something on sale during black friday. One of my friends has an older boy and he saw all the presents under trees and parties in FB pictures and he was crying because he didn't have them. His mom doesn't have the means, but they were together and had each other and Jesus. So sad that he was sad for things that don't matter in the long run. The toys will be forgotten and there will be memories made, but what memories are they? Another post on FB I saw said none of the things a mom ordered for her kids arrived in time for Christmas. Those kids had expectations of Santa bringing presents but their memory will be of their mom trying to explain how crazy things are this time of year and the postal service didn't make it in time. So sad... I don't want that for my boy. We had no presents but we had a great time and even though he's probably not old enough for memories (though maybe he is, some people start remembering things at this age), if he is I want it to be of a special time with special people. Somehow I don't think he'll remember a toy car that he played with for an hour but spending a day with his friends swimming and playing, maybe just maybe he will. I am not dogging Christmas or presents or all the celebration, just trying to figure out in my head and heart how I want to raise my boy and have him feel about giving and receiving. I don't want it to be an obligation. I want him to give freely and receive graciously. A present in the middle of the year for no special reason that he thought about I think means more than an expectation on a certain day of the year and I hope in the future so does he. I have twinge of guilt for not giving him things. Is he missing something? Am I depriving him? I remember being excited waking up on Christmas morning as a kid, shouldn't he have the same experience? The tearing open of the gifts and the oohs and ahhs are great and so much fun, but they are over in 30 minutes and the presents are put away and life goes on. I want him to have joy and hope and love and not have them be dependent on things. I can already see a change in him from going to school. Mommy I want glasses like so and so; and so on... How to find the balance in the everyday and the holidays I don't know? I don't want to deprive him and want him to enjoy things. He loves playing with little cars and such but they get lost and then he's sad. His bike, books and the water are his favorite things and I think for now that's going to have to be enough and we'll take each day as it comes.