God gives us each our own gifts and our own ways to deal with crisis and problems. I wrote the other day about my best month ever and then felt like over the weekend the rug was pulled out from under my feet. The reason isn't so important as my reaction. I can handle crisis, problems and whatever comes my way as long as I don't feel unappreciated, disrespected, betrayed or am lied to. Then it becomes way to personal and all my old demons come back to haunt me. I am so grateful for all I have learned in the past few years and how gracious God is in never leaving me. I spent one day feeling like I was the lowest most unappreciated scum of the pond, knowing full well it was a lie. Then yesterday I decided, a deliberate decision that I was going to do what I knew I was supposed to do and not let feelings rule my life. I love feelings they are great when they are good but they are overwhelming when they are bad. But they are just feelings not who I am. I still felt bad but decided to trudge ahead and did. This morning I when I woke up I felt like a new person who had lost a 100 pounds and magically the horrible feelings are gone. I am still not happy about the situation or even know what I am going to do about it, but I do know that I am doing what I am supposed to do and I am going to keep doing that. Why am I sharing all this? I don't know? It's all in the past right now and life is back to just how I felt last week. I guess it is just to say that feelings are just feelings they don't define us and shouldn't rule over us - good or bad. I knwo this isn't a startling new revelation, but it is good to actually be able to put it into practice. Life is about choices and choosing our attitudes about our feelings is one of them. God called us to love - it isn't a giddy feeling, it is a way of life. When we choose to fall into our pits of despair we are letting Satan win. I know when you are in the pit it doesn't seem that there is a way out, but there always is. It is different for each person and there is no magic formula. We all have to find our way out with God's help - divinely or through others. It is something to be thankful for, knowing that there is always someone there to help, no matter what or how horrible things are. Ok enough of my philosophical ramblings - I always wonder if I am making sense :) A few months ago I invited Ann Voskamp to speak to the missionary community of Haiti when she came to visit. She is here in Haiti with Compassion. She can't speak to us as their schedule is full but Keith, Jan and I are going to eat dinner with her tonight!!! (Rhoda is out in the countryside). I can't wait!!!