This past month (June that is) has probably been the best month I have ever had in Haiti. Nothing super exciting has happened and I'll try to explain why as the post goes along. Warning it's kind of long and rambling. It's all been rolling around in my head and I haven't found the time or a way to put the thoughts in written form as there are multiple parts to the experience. Here is a sampling of what's been going on and passing through my brain and heart. I have spent a lot of time in the 'machine' - the truck it's given me lots of time to appreciate the air conditioning, having a truck and God. A month or so ago I wrote about reading 'One Thousand Gifts' by Ann Voskamp. It really made me think about my walk and how I am living my life. I am doing 'great things' in the eyes of many but are they great in the eyes of God and do I give him the credit and glory he deserves. Am I REALLY thankful? I am thankful for the opportunity to be here, I am thankful that each of you support me, but am I thankful for being in the midst of this gloriously frustrating life here in Haiti? Am I thankful for the frustration in the day to day, the stifling heat, the seemingly unending stream of people asking for something - pulling at you all the time, the multitude of jobs that are 50 times harder because you don't have the proper tool or someone who understands how to use it if you do (even if you have explained it over and over and over...). The answer isn't easy. The ideal, maybe even yours, of the glorious life of a missionary would make you think it would be a snap to say yes I am thankful because I have given my life to serve God in Haiti. And I can say yes to that in my head but getting my heart to say yes is much harder. That is where the book comes in. It has made me start looking at the REALLY LITTLE THINGS and being thankful for those. Not the job done, the project progressing, or the person saved; although I am thankful for those, it's the little things. The hug of an 8 year old boy, a shy smile over the fence, the breeze in the shade, the sweat evaporating to cool me off in the still of the night when there is no breeze, watching the fish swim, having no water because Ronald took 14 baths and forgot to turn the tap off after the last one, hearing Ronald sing in English with the radio, watching the acid bubble away the accumulated slime in the water pipes, the list goes on and on, that is the point. To list the little gifts that make each day unique, special and a way to give thanks to God. This gives way to my spending way too much time alone in the truck pondering the great mysteries of life. I read books and blogs about how God blesses, takes away etc. and all the lovely analogies people come up with. One day I had one about how faithful friends dogs are and God is like that but it never went much further than that. Today's got a little farther. I was explaining the other day to someone how lymph edema is kind of like a sponge holding water. They wanted to know why they couldn't just put a needle in and draw it out. I asked if they could do that to a sponge and they said "no". But massage and pushing it back up into the body cavity would help it go away, kind of like how water comes out of a sponge when you wring it out. So today in the truck I was thinking about how cool it was to see the little kids in Merger interact with the intern and soaking up everything he's telling them and trying to do the same thing. So the sponge from the other day and soaking today led to me thinking about how cleaning up a spill with a sponge is kind of like how life with God is. We make a mess and God just soaks it all up. And He can do that over and over again until it's all cleaned up. Then the other part I was thinking about is that he can wring out the sponge and spill blessing all over us (Now that I'm writing it down it doesn't seem to make as much sense because if he is soaking up our messes then he is wringing out the dirty stuff. I don't know what he does with the dirty stuff he's cleaning up - but I guess I do that's why Jesus died for us). Anyway that's my profound analogy of the faithfulness and infinite love that God has for us. So that's a huge part of why June was so special the other parts deal with people and relationships and being outside and working with animals. I was in Merger almost every day in June, because of the intern working in the forage garden for the goat project (it's beautious!). Just to be outside everyday doing a bit of manual labor in the dirt is more soul enriching than I could imagine and when the plants started coming up it was just so amazing its almost unbearable. Why, I'm not sure, maybe my eyes are being opened in a new way. The fish pond has been so good for me, I forgot how much I enjoyed having my aquariums in the US. It has also spawned all kinds of new ideas. We have made a cage from a casting net and PVC and put it in the river behind Merger, the one where all the pigs hang out. It's a perfect place for growing fish and to see the excitement in the kids eyes in Merger. I feel a new project in the making if this little experiment works. A way to engage the entire community, give them a way to earn money and increase the protein source in their diets... Summer is here and school is out and the kids just love to hang out. If something is going on they are eager to help out and it's so fun to see them try to impress and out do each other or just be goofy kids. They try me and test me daily but they also listen and learn. I love the kids of Merger SO MUCH! With the heat of summer I have made a huge change to my work schedule and it is working out very well. It started when we did training a couple of months ago. Work in the morning, break for lunch and then rest, then back to work later in the day. My days look like that pretty much right now except sometimesthe lunch/rest break. It maybe time at home playing with the kids, doing the errand running that needs to be done so I can soak up the air conditioning and occasionally it really is rest and I have a little nap. This daylight savings time has messed with all of Haiti. It took more than a month to get used to. I was used to being up by 4:30 or 5 and out of the house between 6 and 8. I could get so much done before noon and then before you knew it was almost dark and you could be in bed and asleep by 8. Now we are lucky if we are in the house by 8 and bedtime is more like 10 or 11 (Ronald's is 8 or 9 but he's still up by 5:30 or 6. But he still takes naps). I'm finally getting used to it and I think I really like it. I have time at home in the early morning for myself, time in the middle of the day with Ronald and Abolina and then in the evenings with the neighbors, people dropping by to visit, or house projects. I love that I am entering a new season with God. After my suicide I felt like my eyes were open for the first time and I got to see things from a totally different perspective. I haven't got an exact feeling or word for what God is doing in my life, but I like it! Not everything is roses - the issue with the guy poisoning the goats isn't settled. I have voiced my opinion of what I think should happen, but it's not my battle to fight. That is a hard thing to swallow because I think they are going to let the guy get away with no punishment. I think he should have to pay for the goats out of his salary - the company he works for is going to reimburse the folks who lost goats but I don't think he will actually have to pay anything. I am afraid that if he doesn't receive some kind of incentive (I'm talking negative reinforcement) he will just do it again whenever the mood strikes him... This is such an opportunity for the community to come together and make a statement of lasting change but I don't think it is going to happen. It is hard to change the culture of fear that these people live in. This could be a whole blog post in itself. But I am focusing on the positive today and even though this goat issue is stuck in my craw in one sense it is very liberating to not be involved and let them work it out for themselves. Ok now you've had a glimpse into the workings of Kelly's mind for the past bit of time but its time to quit writing and I didn't even get to the part about being grateful for the truck and the blessing it is to me and so many... Happy 4th of July!!!! PS - Lucy is still with us, not eating as well as I wish she would but here none the less